I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize