Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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