I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
