You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
