ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
