my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
