Will you blow on my dice?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
