i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize