i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize