Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
God I need to hump something, right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
