what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
