shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
