one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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