so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize