i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
