Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
