If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
