dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
