I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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