...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
