Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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