The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I could make wine with my vomit
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize
