I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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