$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
