but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
