i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
