why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
