It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
