and she was petting her beer can
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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