Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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