He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize