I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
