OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
