I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
vagina is talking i cant
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
