He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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