Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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