it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
