Your face is a jimmy john
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
