I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
