Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
