my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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