My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
