He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
