she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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