So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
