I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Randomize
