Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
