I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
