Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
