He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
