This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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