I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
