i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
