I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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