If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
