Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I enjoy the company of your penis
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
