jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
