Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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