i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
