Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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