My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
