I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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